Dad,

You've always led by example. Your actions speak louder than words, and you live the values you want us to embody. You don’t just talk about these principles; you live them. I can't fully capture how much you've shaped my life, but here’s what I've learned from watching you over the past 30 years:

Loyalty: Tribe, Tribe, Tribe.

“May God have mercy on your soul, because my brother won’t”

You grew up with nothing but each other. Grandpa taught you and your siblings to defend one another, and you instilled that same value in us. Even though times had changed, you taught Marcus and me to always stand by each other. If one of us got into a fight, the other had to jump in. You promised not to be mad and even said you'd reward us for defending each other. I remember you saying you’d have to pretend to be angry in the principal’s office but would treat us to ice cream afterward. If a fight was unavoidable, you told us to hit first and not stop.

Marcus took this lesson to heart, and it shows in every part of our relationship. He has always been my fiercest protector—whether it was standing up for me in school, challenging anyone who dared to mess with me, or being there during my darkest moments. Marcus made sure I never faced anything alone. As kids, we played tackle football a few times, but Marcus made sure no one tackled me. He insisted to the group I had a special rule of two-hand touch. While running the 'Student Lawn Care,' after employing me and our friends, he used his money to buy me clothes instead of hand-me-downs, just to boost my very low self-esteem. Because of the incident at Mom's house, I was extremely anxious at night and scared to be alone. Marcus invited me to sleep in his room and, even at a young age, had the wisdom to tell me to picture the biggest, baddest thing in the world that could protect me. He told me to imagine this as I tried to sleep so I could feel safe and sleep soundly.

He didn't just protect me physically; he made me feel like no matter what happened, I had someone in my corner who would go to any length for me. His loyalty and love have been a constant source of strength, and I can’t imagine going through life without his unwavering presence.

Marcus learned this from you. Just like Grandpa taught you to protect and stand by your siblings, you passed that lesson down to us. You showed us the importance of family, loyalty, and always having each other's backs. The love and support that Marcus has shown me are a reflection of the values you instilled in both of us. This chain of strength and protection is a legacy that I know will continue through our family for generations. I am confident that these values will be passed on to Luca, Finley, and any children we may have, ensuring they grow up with the same deep sense of love, loyalty, and unwavering support.

Work. Fucking. Hard.

“Opportunities are often missed because they’re dressed in overalls and look like work” - Thomas Edison

I can count on one hand the times you called in sick—one of them being when you caught Swine Flu and were forced to go home. You woke up at the crack of dawn, often leaving before anyone else was awake. You came home exhausted, but after a brief nap, you kept going—cooking, cleaning, running, and raising us. What seemed like work to others, you made a part of our lives by including us in everything, and with a great attitude.

During our duplex remodel, we hit an incredibly difficult point. The tenant had destroyed the unit from top to bottom, forcing Jessa and me to live next to a smelly, toxic mess in just 300 square feet. We were neither financially nor mentally equipped to handle this challenge. I remember the day you decided you would "simply" come to the house and do a little work every day after your job. This was after starting your day at 5:00 am, saving lives at the hospital, cooking, cleaning, and ending your long day well after the sun went down. You and Uncle Jeff brought the energy, positive attitude, and consistency needed to complete the remodel and free us up mentally and financially. 

Strength Through Adversity

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” - Maya Angelou

Divorce

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” - Khalil Gibran

You are the most resilient person I know. You navigated a divorce filled with alcoholism and lies, yet raised two boys on your own and made it wonderful. Some of my favorite memories come from that time—wearing your shirts as pajamas, eating Oreos with Marcus, and sharing frozen pizza dinners with you.

Your integrity through this was unparalleled. You never spoke a negative word about Mom, despite everything. I still can't comprehend how you managed to handle the affair, the lies, the financial instability, all while managing a demanding full-time job and being an amazing father to us.

My Depression

“Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” - C.S. Lewis

As a new father, I can't imagine the pain you went through watching me struggle with depression. Even seeing Luca cry during a routine vaccination breaks my heart. But you were there for me every step of the way. You shared your thoughts on Man's Search for Meaning and how to find purpose from an atheist perspective. During my panic attacks, you would sprint alongside me in the middle of the night—anything to help. You stood by me as I navigated multiple hospitalizations, hours of therapy, exploring various medications, ready to fight for me when doctors fell short. You researched everything, always putting my well-being first, and you still do.

I would not be here if not for your unwavering strength and support.

Cancer

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” - Lao Tzu

The first cancer news arrived on the same day Mom relapsed after many years. This was incredibly difficult to navigate but made easier by your example. Thankfully, you had months of sick leave accrued because (as mentioned before) you never took sick days. Several rounds of chemo left you thin, bald and quite sick. You still managed not to break stride. You returned to work, kept up running/exercise as best you could, and eventually succeeded.

I fully expect you to navigate this second recurrence the same way—full of strength, courage, resilience, and bravery. Your Tribe will be with you every step of the way, showing you the same support you've given us all these years.

Personal Reflections on Life and Meaning

As an Atheist, I very much struggle with the concept of life and death. Two frameworks help give me comfort like nothing else does: Meaningless Beauty and Self-Defined Purpose.

Meaningless Beauty

“The sound of rain needs no translation.” - Alan Watts

I heard this quote after finding out about your recent diagnosis and it has really stuck with me. To me, it speaks to the idea that life doesn’t need a higher purpose, meaning, or creator to be beautiful. It simply is. Beauty exists on its own, without needing one of us (one of its billions of conscious beings) to define it. Can we simply be present, and enjoy this wonderfully complex mystery without asking why? Accepting life's inherent meaninglessness, we paradoxically find its most profound beauty.

Self-Defined Purpose

"We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born." - Richard Dawkins

The challenge of navigating mortality as atheists lies in facing a future without the comfort of a promised afterlife. We stand at the edge of what might be the absolute end, requiring a profound courage and intellectual honesty to accept this without the solace of a heaven.

Through your example, I've learned that this very finite and short life is what makes life beautiful. The meaning we create in our brief time here is what truly matters. You showed me that meaning comes from what we choose to value and protect: the unbreakable bonds of family, the friends that make up the Tribe we build around us, and the fierce loyalty we give to those we love.

Your legacy lives on in every life you've touched, in every lesson you've taught, and in every moment of love you've given. Perhaps that's the most meaningful afterlife of all.

Thank you for everything, 

Love,

Andre